


i don't want a never-ending life, i just want to be alive while i'm here.

by thymia



Series: our house is a very, very, very fine house ( OR, snapshots of life at Philza's house) [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hearing Voices, Light Angst, Mentioned Alexis | Quackity, Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade's Voices, Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:00:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28781640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thymia/pseuds/thymia
Summary: The Day After ( A direct sequel to the other fic in this series, read that one first for context )[ Title From Spirits by The Strumbellas ]
Relationships: Jschlatt & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Jschlatt & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & Technoblade
Series: our house is a very, very, very fine house ( OR, snapshots of life at Philza's house) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2109840
Comments: 4
Kudos: 100





	i don't want a never-ending life, i just want to be alive while i'm here.

**Author's Note:**

> is it verbal or mental abuse when the voices in your head hate you?  
> was just going to be following the lazy saturday after friday night but turned techno-centric.  
> friend the sheep is in this.  
> a little rushed, woops. still fun i think.  
> Just Headcanons]: dream's mentioned in this, Slaanesh is another Chaos God from Warhammer. Dream's a Draemon (dreamon spelled like daemon) one of Slaanesh's Lesser Daemons. and again, technoblade is not the blood god, he is a worshipper of the blood god. he is not a daemon himself, just a favored disciple. the voices and his immortality were blessings from khorne that have started to haunt techno.  
> Also Techno's 6'8 and Phil's 5'6 in this, so that's why Techno's so much taller than him and why Will + Schlatt tower over Phil.

Phil was indeed woken up at the crack of dawn by the two wild children, well one wild Tommy and one still half asleep Tubbo. They wanted to get the chickens up, though the sun was hardly up at all. Phil just shoos them from his bedroom so he could get dressed and insisted the boys get dressed too. He fixed spider silk bandages around all his major joints, knees, ankles, elbows, anywhere to cushion them and soothe the pain just a little. Sometimes he mixed a health potion into his tea but he knew he could get addicted if he did it too often. But this is a morning that needed it, and so he mixed himself a quick strength/health shot at the brewing station he kept in his bedroom. It worked, Phil felt like he could face the day now, like he wouldn’t fall down the stairs, like he had enough strength to get out of bed.

The children practically pulled him down the stairs, and their liveliness made Phil feel better, but he hoped he wasn’t sapping the joy from them. It didn’t seem like it, so he was in the clear for now. They got outside and Phill handed a few stacks of seeds to Tommy and a couple stacks of wheat to Tubbo, telling them to go feed the livestock while he got the animals water. He took bucketfuls from a pond he made from cobblestone and polished granite, one of the first things he made when he moved onto the property, and cobble and granite were the only blocks he had. But it was an infinite water source and a clean one at that, so he felt safe dumping it into the cauldrons he had around the backyard for the animals to drink out of.

He was glad to see the kids actually doing their chores, Tommy flinging seed at random, and Tubbo feeding one of the blue ewes who stood next to a small blue lamb. The ewe must have given birth to it last night, he’d have to tell Will. Phil turned his attention back to Tommy when he heard the boy laughing, and he quickly realized Tommy had not been throwing the seed at random and instead had led the chickens into a clumsily made penis shape…

“Wot?! Alex says another word for chicken is cock, what’s so wrong with it?!” Tommy shouted as his father pulled him inside to wash his mouth out after the boy had shouted ‘Cocks!’ at full volume. Phil knew that Alex kid, a middle schooler with a foul mouth and a tendency to take his shirt off. He also tends to teach Tommy and Tubbo bad words in English and in Spanish, Tubbo luckily doesn’t repeat any of them.

Schlatt pokes his out of his room to watch Phil drag Tommy into the bathroom, the boy pleading in clumsy Spanish, ‘me perdonas’ on repeat until the door shut. “Tommy said a bad word.” Tubbo admitted, awkwardly standing outside the bathroom as he waited for his friend.

“Oh, he did, huh? What’d he say,” Schlatt asked, Tubbo glancing around nervously before beckoning his father over to whisper the word in his ear. “Ohh, and Uncle Phil’s washing his mouth out for it. I see, I see. Well, best to let that work itself out. How about we find breakfast, how does that sound, kiddo?”

Tubbo nodded happily, following Schlatt to the kitchen, only to find Wilbur there too, a sleepy Fundy sitting at the kitchen table yawning and pawing at his eyes. Will was going through the pantry, leaving Tubbo and Schlatt to look through Phil’s fridge.

It was bewildering but Tubbo wanted fruit salad for breakfast, shoving golden and red apples, berries, and melon into his dad’s hands. He offered the kid pancakes and cookies, and other sweets, but Tubbo wanted fresh fruit. Must be the sheep in him, Schlatt reasoned, stepping to the counter to cut up the fruit. At least the kid doesn’t graze on Phil’s front lawn, Schlatt thinks, he remembers the stories his mom would tell of him sitting in the front yard shoving fistfuls of grass into his mouth.

Phil came back shortly with Tommy still spitting up suds and coughing into his elbow. “Well, you guys just make yourself at home, don’t you,” He remarked with a laugh, sitting at the kitchen table, Tommy clamoring into his lap for comfort. Will had gathered a couple eggs and was working on whisking them into a scramble for Fundy. “I’m not complaining, less work for me.” Phil said patting Tommy’s back, if the boy was so upset over a little soap then he might learn to not say bad words.

“You have said on multiple occasions that we’re all allowed to use your kitchen, so that’s just what we’re doing.” Wilbur shrugs, spilling the beaten eggs into a pan on the furnace.

“Yeh, yeh, it’s fine, mate. I said I’m not complaining.” Phill assured, letting Tommy up to beg for a piece of golden apple from Schlatt, to which Schlatt obliged handing the kid a piece he cut. Once all the fruit was cut up he tossed it into a big bowl to mix up and then separated the fruit into smaller bowls for the kids, letting anyone else get their own. He was content to stand by the counter and pick at the fruit from there instead of getting his own bowl. Will served everyone scrambled eggs and offered some to Schlatt to which he was waved off with a nonchalant ‘I’m not hungry’ and Schlatt could feel Phil’s worried stare.

When everyone was about halfway done with breakfast Technoblade shuffled down the stairs, upturned nose flaring as he sniffed the air. He was always the last one up, often not waking until hours after everyone was awake, he was glad he stayed for the weekend, so he didn’t miss seeing all the kids, and getting to eat breakfast with everyone. He was a little let down though, or a little uncomfortable at the very least, since everyone was still in pajamas, well Schlatt, Wilbur and Fundy were. Philza and the boys were fully dressed but Techno was coming down to a casual breakfast decked to the nines. Well, what he considered to be ‘decked to the nines’.

“What’re you doing dressed like that, this early in the morning, Techno? Got a hot date?” Schlatt teases, still at the counter, sitting on it now.

Technoblade hated how easily his emotions showed, even when he didn’t want them to, how his face turns red at the slightest thing. But luckily Wilbur saved him from the struggle of figuring out how to answer that.

“Techno? On a hot date? As if. No, this is just how he always dresses.” Wilbur answered, managing to rib Techno at the same time. Well, it could’ve gone worse..

Watching Techno serve himself and then delicately perch himself on the edge of a seat at the kitchen table, it strikes Phil as very out of place. This giant boar, squeezing slightly behind Wilbur to get to the chair at the end of the table to perch on his feet on top of the chair. And sometimes Phil forgets that his Techno full grown in a smart looking red waistcoat and black slacks is the same Techno who rolled in mud and brawled with anyone who so much as looked at him as a child. Though he can see it in pieces, in his mullet, previously in his rat tail, a style that Tommy still copies to this day, and in his driven nature. In his seemingly unending need for blood and gore, but even that has taken a backseat these days. He’s still driven, sure, but driven for power not bloodshed, driven to be the best. Last Phil heard his production was in the millions and was only going up, but so was his rival’s. And finally, he’s struck with gratitude that his son can take time out of his busy schedule to spend time with family.

“Oh, Will. Your sheep, Friend, procreated. Tubbo found a little blue lamb this morning.” Phil said suddenly, remembering the lamb from earlier.

“It did? That’s lovely, I’ll have to go say hi. You wanna go say hi to Friend’s baby, Fundy?” Will asked the kit in his lap, Fundy just letting out an excited yelp.

“Jesus, Wilbur, you gotta teach that kid some words..” Schlatt remarked with a laugh, his words sticky and slurred from drinking some of Phil’s honey straight from the bottle.

“And you’ve got to stop drinkin’ all my honey, mate. What’s that, the third bottle this week?” Phil said, and rolled his eyes at Schlatt’s boldness.

“And it’s only just Sunday!” Tubbo huffed, shuffling over to his father, getting himself some more fruit salad before tugging the bottle of honey from Schlatt’s hand until he gave it up.

“It’s Saturday, bud, not Sunday.” Schlatt informed kindly, letting Tubbo take his honey.

“Ohh, right..! Yesterday was Friday!” Tubbo laughed, handing the honey back once he drizzled enough of it on his fruit.

“Don’t come at me about my two year old’s speech when your seven year old doesn’t even know what day it is,” Will chuckled, Fundy, oblivious, scrambling from his lap to tug on the handle to the back door. “I’m comin’, bub, hold on.” He said, standing to take his plate to the cauldron that acted as a sink before following Fundy, who was still tugging on the handle but whining now too. The other boys were eager to go back outside too, Tubbo passing his bowl to Tommy for Tommy to put in the cauldron since Tommy was taller than Tubbo despite being a year younger. Tubbo pulled Schlatt along to see the lamb as well, babbling on about how he found it.

“You going outside too?” Phil gently asked Techno who seemed to be having a staring contest with his eggs. Phil knew what this was, knew how Techno could get sometimes. He whipped a look behind himself, scowling again at nothing, internally scolding the voices for lying to him about someone standing behind him.

“..What’d you say Phil?” Techno asked with a tired sigh, looking up to Phil, Phil could see the look in Techno's eyes, and inwardly cringed at the thought of what Techno's voices might say at the sight of him.

“Ah, it’s just- Was wondering if ya were heading outside with everyone else? They’re looking at Friend’s baby.” Phil answered, setting a comforting, grounding hand on Techno’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess I should go outside too. Thanks, Phil.” He said simply, reaching up to grab Phil’s hand in his own, squeezing it maybe a little too tight, but Phil didn’t say anything. Phil was always there for him, even when no one else was. Phil never questioned or mocked him like some others would. Phil was reliable, Phil was the first person in Techno’s life who gave a shit about him.

“You’re welcome, Techno. Anytime, mate, you know that.” Phil helped Techno stand, stumbling a bit, a little caught off guard when Techno wrapped him in a hug.

“I missed you…” He borderline whimpered into Phil’s shoulder, thick fingers gripping the back of his hanten.

“I know, mate, I missed you too..” Phil sighed, face smushed against Techno’s chest as he rubbed his back. Techno was over a foot taller than Phil and had to hunch to hug him comfortably but it seemed to work. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, Techno snuffling quietly at Phil’s neck, comforting himself in the smell of his father. Phil was a little disturbed the first time Technoblade did it, which was the first time they met, and he had no idea why this weird, bloodied child he found in the woods was sniffing him like a hound.

Turns out Techno just found comfort in the damp, earthy smell that lingered on Phil's person. So, Phil had no choice but to wait it out until Techno decided he had enough and pulled away. “You wait here, I’m gonna put your plate away and then we can go outside, yeh,” Phil offered, only for Techno to silently shake his head, still holding onto one of Phil’s hands. “Alright, that’s okay too. That’s perfectly acceptable.” He assured, leading Techno over to the counter, dumping the contents of the plate into a composter in the corner of the kitchen before setting it into the cauldron.

They shuffled outside together, Phil basically pulling Technoblade to where everyone else was. Tommy looked like he was about to shout something but was quickly hushed by Wilbur who recognized the still slightly wild look in Techno’s eyes. He didn’t know his brother as well as Philza did but he definitely recognized the look Techno got when the voices were being especially loud, and he knew the last thing they needed was for Tommy to shout and for that to set off Technoblade.

“Have we named it yet?” Phil asked in regards to Friend’s lamb, Tommy perked up but with a stern look from Wilbur managed to keep his voice low.

“Technoblade and Philza, I present to you… Amigo..!” Tommy introduced the lamb who stood beside its mother looking sleepy, definitely overwhelmed by the attention. At least Will got Fundy to stop pulling its ears.

“I… I think I’m gonna join them..?” Techno mumbled, glancing to Phil for reassurance. He didn’t really trust himself right now, and if Philza didn’t want him near Schlatt and Tubbo then he’d listen to Phil.

“Sure, mate, go ahead. They’ll appreciate that I think.” Phil allowed with a nod, letting go of Techno’s hand so he could shuffle over to where Schlatt and Tubbo seemed to be dozing next to a big blue ram, Friend.

“Hey, Technoblade, you come to sit with us?” Schlatt asked, giving the other hybrid a lazy grin. Tubbo quickly hopping up from where he sat in his dad’s lap to pull Techno over.

“Hiya, Mr. Blade! This is Friend, he and Jam made a baby!” Technoblade easily let the child pull him to sit with them.

“Just relax, man. You’re safe here.” Schlatt assured quietly, gathering Tubbo in his arms again, watching Techno hesitate before unbuttoning his waistcoat and sat down beside Schlatt, folding the red fabric in his lap. 

“I know, sometimes I forget that though..” Techno sighed, leaning against the big ram behind him, resisting the urge to lean against the ram next to him though. Ignoring the voices, he unbuttoned his cuffs and rolled them up, and leaned forward slightly to roll his pants up too. He manages to tune them out to a tinnitus-y drone, that’d be grating on anyone else’s ears but calm his own.

Schlatt relaxes into Friend, letting Tubbo play with his hands, the kid giggling as they lazily thumb wrestled. Schlatt’s gaze moved to the hybrid next to him, raking up Techno’s exposed skin, all the scars, scabs, and bruises mottling pale skin. And up to Techno’s eyes which this close up, Schlatt noticed were a pale blue with odd almost oval-shaped pupils, and when the pig shifts his own gaze to Schlatt, Schlatt notices that Techno’s ever so slightly wall-eyed, that the left eye couldn't focus on Schlatt.

Schlatt just looks away and laughs. “You’re pretty, anyone ever tell you that?” He asked, meaning it as a joke, assuming that surely someone must have told this handsome young swine that he was indeed attractive.

“..No. What are you implyin’, Schlatt?” Techno asked, sounding annoyed.

“I’m not implying anything; I’m straight up saying you’re an attractive dude, Techno.” Schlatt complimented easily, tipping his head back onto Friend’s soft blue wool.

Techno frowned, idly picking at a scab on his forearm until a small, hot hand pulls him away from himself. He startled for a moment, before realizing it was just Tubbo.

He had no idea what Schlatt was getting at, but the voices were louder now, chanting for Techno to take both of the sheep hybrid’s lives in ritualistic sacrifice. ‘LAMB CHOPS’ was one’s favored chant, and it just made Techno sick to even consider hurting Tubbo. ‘LIAR LIAR LIAR’ was another popular one, and it filled his ears until Schlatt spoke again.

“I like you. It’s nice knowing another hybrid in this big world.” Schlatt mused and Techno realized on his own that Schlatt was being honest.

“Yeah, it is nice knowin’ I’m not alone,” Techno sighed, relaxing into Friend as well as Tubbo pressed Techno’s hand into Schlatt’s slightly smaller hand. “I like you too. You an’ Tubbo are good people.” He said, shakily returning the smile Tubbo gave him. The few voices that mumbled ‘cute kid’, ‘baby’, and ‘aww’ stuck out more than the ones chanting ‘MUTTON’, ‘LAMB CHOPS’, and ‘ABRAHAM’ for once, and Techno decided to listen to those instead, because Tubbo _was_ a cute kid, the missing teeth in his cheeky grin were oddly adorable. The sheep hybrids didn’t seem to have canine teeth at all, just a mouth full of flat incisors and molars. He watched Tubbo marvel at his tusks that a couple of voices reminded him he needed to trim again before they got out of control.

“Papa, Mr. Blade has sharp teeths! I thought he was like us?” Tubbo whispered too loudly for it to be effective.

“No, Tubbo. Mr. Blade is a pig, not a sheep.” Schlatt informed, Tubbo nodding and mumbling a quiet ‘Ohh…’.

“So, that’s why we don’t eat pork?” Tubbo asked, head tilting curiously.

“No, that’s because we’re Catholic.” Which got a quiet little ‘oh okay..’ from Tubbo as the kid finally relaxed.

They’re Catholic, which explains why he kept hearing ‘ABRAHAM’ earlier, he recognized they were making reference of the biblical character who sacrificed a ram instead of his son like his God told him to. Techno asked himself how the voices knew that when he had no idea, he only got a snarky ‘THEY SAY GRACE BEFORE EVERY MEAL DUMBASS’ which sparked ‘TECHNODUMB’ on repeat. But he tuned it all out in favor of the few voices muttering about how nice this was, and how sweet and adorable Tubbo was.

He huffed a sigh and tilted his head back, letting his eyes shut as he tuned out the voices properly letting the sharp ringing hum soothe him. He felt eyes on him but ignored them as best he could until he suddenly felt a weight in his lap and opened his eyes to see Tommy. The fearful urge to harm quickly drained from Techno as soon as it sparked in his chest. He couldn’t truly find it in himself when faced with the usually bold child looking just this side of spooked.

“You can- Ehh, it’s okay Tommy.. Stop lookin’ at me like that...” Techno mumbled, trying to sound reassuring but he wasn’t good with his words. So, he just wrapped his arms around Tommy and pulled the boy close, relaxing when he felt Tommy relax.

“Thank you, Technoblade..” Tommy mumbled quietly, wrapping his skinny arms around his brother to return the hug.

Schlatt and Tubbo didn’t smell like Philza, Tommy didn’t either, but he found the sweet milk and honey smell of the hybrids and Tommy's sharp smell of gunpowder and iron ore, to be just as comforting. He couldn’t snuffle any of them like he could with Philza but they were close enough that he didn’t have to.

This was why he loved coming home, just spending time with his family, and not having to worry. The voices abused him frankly, sparking paranoia, and rage, but he didn't want to feel fearful right now. He knew he had no real reason to feel that way. Like Schlatt told him earlier, he was safe here, in the pasture, at Philza’s house, with family. He was home and he was safe, he didn’t have to fight and claw his way to victory right now. He didn’t have to prove himself here. He could just be Techno, big and banged up, and just this side of crazy. He wasn’t The Blade right now, not the Khornate Champion who was pitted against one of Slaanesh's very best, the Draemon in a duel to the death, not the obsessed farmer who hired goons to sabotage his rival, not the record breaker who spent days upon days gathering a 1200+ win streak.

Technoblade Never Dies, but that means Technoblade also lives. Maybe a mundane and quiet life when he wasn’t always gunning to be the best. But he did live in these gentle moments where nothing mattered, and he could let his guard down. He lived for these moments, actually. He worked and worked just for a moment off, for even 48 hours at home. He worked for Philza, he kept none of the money he won, he never did. He gave it all to friends and family, which was why he only walked away from The Duel with 50 grand because he gave up the other 50 to the Draemon despite their opposing beliefs. The only person he couldn’t supply with money was Schlatt, but he respected that the sheep wanted to make his money for himself.

Techno only realized he had dozed off when he found himself awake, all alone in a cold sweat. Whatever woke him would fear his wrath. 

“Hey, mate, calm, it’s just me,” Phil was what woke him up. The tense rage leaving him as soon as he heard Phil's kind voice, and spotted his caring face. “Dinner’s ready, you wanna come in an’ eat?” Phil asked gently, helping Techno to his feet. And damn, he slept the whole day away apparently, all the livestock is in bed and the sun is gone. But, as much as he needed the extra sleep, he did wish he slept in his bed or on Phil’s couch at the very least.

“Sure, thanks for wakin’ me, Phil.” He said, letting Phil carry his waistcoat as he stretched his arms.

“Of course, mate. Couldn’t let you miss dinner.” Phil laughed, handing Techno his waistcoat back and held the door open for him.

Techno just nods and mutters another thank you, disappearing upstairs to wash his hands and change into something more comfortable. He slept the day away, and nearly missed dinner, but he was happy. The voices were mostly quiet now, and he picked out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that Tommy and Tubbo doodled on with squid's ink and a fuzzy red cardigan. He knew he didn’t have to dress up for anyone, they were all probably still in pajamas, and if they weren’t that was okay too. Phil has always said he doesn’t care what Techno wears to dinner, just as long as he brings himself and his appetite, and he’s got both of those, so he’s come prepared.

He hears taunts that he’s going to trip and fall down the stairs, but he ignores them. Tubbo meets him at the foot of the stairs and pulls Techno to the living room, going on and on about how he and Tommy helped Phil with dessert, an apple pie that Techno could smell from upstairs. He pushes the intrusive thoughts away and focuses on the present. He could _never_ bring himself to hurt Tubbo, no matter how loud the threats get. This kid cares for him, and so does everyone else here, and that’s all that matters to Techno right now. Technoblade Lives, he lives a proud, successful life, and he knows if he does die one day, he can die happy. Happy with the family he’s found, and the friends he’s made, and he wouldn’t even think of all his achievements. They don’t mean as much as family does. No matter how loud the cries for blood, and for Techno to kill all of them get, his family will always come first. No matter his devotion to his god, and no matter what taking their side over Khorne's might mean, he won't give up the only people in the world who care about him.


End file.
